What Brene Brown's Research Teaches us about Parenting Shame
Brené Brown, a research professor and author, has conducted extensive research on shame, vulnerability, and human connection. Her work is popular both for clients and clinicians, and has opened up a new era of dialogue about shame.
Brown's research also provides insights into how shame can impact parenting dynamics and the importance of cultivating empathy, vulnerability, and shame resilience in parenting.
Here are some key takeaways from Brown's research that can be applied to the understanding of parental shame:
Shame and its impact on parenting: Brown's research highlights that shame, which is the intensely painful feeling of believing we are flawed or unworthy, can influence parental behaviors and interactions. Parents who experience shame may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, judgment, and self-criticism, which can impact their ability to provide nurturing and supportive environments for their children. Among parents who are experiencing OCD or perfectionism, the level of shame is amplified by a sense of never quite reaching the mark in such an important dimension of life.
The power of vulnerability and empathy: Brown's work emphasizes the importance of embracing vulnerability and cultivating empathy in parenting. When parents are willing to be vulnerable, authentic, and open about their own struggles, they create an environment where children feel safe to share their experiences. Empathy, both towards oneself as a parent and towards the child, can foster stronger connections and help navigate challenging emotions like shame. Parents do not need to be perfect; in fact, it is a helpful learning experience for children to witness parental imperfection.
Building shame resilience: Brown's research focuses on developing shame resilience as a means of dealing with and moving beyond shame. By recognizing and understanding shame triggers, practicing self-compassion, reaching out for support, and reframing negative self-talk, parents can develop resilience to shame and create healthier parenting dynamics. A lack of shame resilience can cause a difficulty for parents in making a repair with their child after a rupture, and make it more likely that a difficult event will not be discussed openly.
The importance of modeling healthy behavior: Children learn a great deal from observing their parents' behaviors and attitudes. When parents demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms for shame, such as practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and embracing vulnerability, they provide a positive example for their children to follow.
It's worth noting that while Brown's research provides valuable insights, individual experiences of shame and parenting can vary widely. Parental shame is a complex and multifaceted topic, influenced by various factors such as cultural norms, personal history, and individual circumstances.
If you're experiencing parental shame or are concerned about its impact on your parenting, please reach out to a parenting coach at Kairos Wellness Collective, who may provide guidance and assistance in navigating these feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
