At this point in the pandemic, parents are reporting complete burnout. We all know what this feels like, but burnout is actually a technical concept in psychology that can be understood in three parts:

1. Emotional Exhaustion

We parents have cared and worried and analyzed our young ones so much that we are drained of our strength.

2. Compassion Fatigue

Especially for those of us with younger, needier, and more emotionally volatile children, we have given so much compassion that we feel literally tapped out. We have reached a point when we can see our child sobbing and feel nothing.

3. Sense of Futility

We start to doubt that anything we do is even helping anyone. We feel invisible and powerless against the constant waves of our child’s needs and moods.

Parents can get wrapped up in the notion that they must give, and give tirelessly. Parents can lay the guilt on thick, both for ourselves, our partners, and sometimes even strangers! But parental burnout makes it physically, humanly impossible to be our “best selves.”

Parental Burnout + Guilt is a toxic combination.

In non-pandemic times, I could wax poetic about the importance of parents getting time away and leaning on family and friends. However, for most of us, these are no longer options.

For me, the best thing during COVID-19 has been CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Those with significant cognitive distortions suffer burnout at higher rates. Cognitive distortions make us more likely to be critical of ourselves, more likely to diminish what we have accomplished. Cognitive distortions make everything seem worse than it is, which adds to a sense of futility and hopelessness.

However, the most powerful distortion correction for parental burnout is letting go of the “should” statements. “Should” statements are when we impose some sort of unreasonable expectation on ourselves (or others). “Should” statements are an all too common form of negative self-talk for parents. “Should” statements can literally churn in our brains on loop. We are putting pressure on ourselves to give more than we can possibly give, to care more than we can possibly care. Our automatic negative thoughts are searching for evidence that we haven’t done enough.

While the truth is: we parents are burnt out because we have done too much.

Learn about how Parenting Therapy at South Boulder Counseling can help you here.