All-or-Nothing Thinking: How CBT grapples with this common distortion

At South Boulder Counseling, sessions consist of empathetic and supportive listening, but also challenging of distorted thinking.   I don’t let my clients persist in unhelpful thinking patterns.  All-or-nothing thinking is a common way that my clients get stuck. 

This distortion, also known as Polarized Thinking, can lead to a lot of negativity.  Clients see themselves, their loved ones, and the world in very black and white categories.  

In family therapy, all-or-nothing thinking inevitably sparks a fight.  

These strong beliefs cause clients to make statements like: she “always” or she “never.”  Family therapists commonly interrupt such unhelpful communication.  All-or-nothing thinking in relationships can lead to deeply entrenched viewpoints and defensiveness.  Family members will quickly find counterexamples to all-or-nothing statements and the conversation will sour.   

All-or-nothing thinking can also lead to low self-esteem and perfectionism. 

One bad meeting means our career is failing.  (Interestingly, this distortion rarely works the other way.  One good meeting doesn’t make us feel like a success.)

The solution for black-and-white thinking is fairly simple.  We start by drawing awareness to the distortion.  Using counter-examples and logical challenges, we train our brains to see the grey.  Through repetition, clients learn to replace distorted thinking with more realistic and helpful cognitions.  

If clients are still stuck, I ask: what purpose does this all-or-nothing thinking serve?  

Sometimes a simpler, clearer world feels safer.  We know where we stand (even if this means we are being too hard on ourselves). 

All-or-nothing thinking can be an unhealthy coping mechanism for a complex, upsetting world.  Often, this distortion began in childhood when my client felt powerless.  Putting the world into black and white categories could have been a way of taking back control.   

This control, of course, is an illusion.  The all-or-nothing distortion can in truth make clients feel utterly helpless.   

Letting go of this distortion through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can unlock true empowerment -- and demonstrate to a client that happiness resides in the gray.